


the answer in the wind

by MistressSiM



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Chloe POV, Confessions, F/F, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Survivor Guilt, i just have a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 21:26:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5106296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressSiM/pseuds/MistressSiM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chloe glances at Max. She's still asleep. Chloe is secretly afraid she won't wake up. She's afraid she did this to Max. </p><p>Again, she wonders why Max chose her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the answer in the wind

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to be asleep but I started thinking about Chloe, cried a lot, and then wrote this and now I can't sleep.

The plan is to drive north until they hit Seattle. They can make it in six hours if they hoof it.

(Chloe knows because she'd calculated the distance over and over, back in they early days, after Max moved and she'd still believed they'd stay in touch.)

Max sleeps for a majority of the ride. She is as still as death. There is none of the whispering she'd done— _God,_ has it only been two days?—after their stint in the pool at Blackwell. Chloe had watched her then, relishing in the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. Chloe watches her now, and every time there is a delay between Max's breaths, she wonders if she's killed her. Chloe wonders if she was the reason Rachel is dead, if she could have done more to keep her alive. She wonders if anyone in Arcadia Bay is alive. She wonders why Max chose her.

Her thoughts eventually become so overwhelming that she has to pull over. She has no idea how long she's been driving, but the sun looms bright and harvest orange in the west corner of the sky, casting an eerie golden glow on the blacktop of the road. She's shaking so badly her necklace tinkles musically; she jerks it off, unsettled by the cheerful sound. It's too hot in the truck.

She opens the door, climbs out, and just sits right there in the middle of the cold, wet road. She draws her legs up and dips her head between her knees and waits until the trembling subsides. It's dark by the time the tightness in her chest unravels. When she gets back into the truck, Max is still asleep. Chloe is grateful she didn't wake up and see.

* * *

 Chloe wonders if Max still has her power, and if it's stayed the same if she does have it. She's never seen anyone sleep as deeply as Max is right now. Chloe pulls over for quick power naps to keep herself going, but she can never achieve deep sleep. When she comes close, she sees deer and butterflies and skeletons, she sees Rachel, she watches as the tornado rips into Arcadia Bay. She couldn't sleep well before this week, but now she wonders if she won't have insomnia.

She stops to buy gas and shitty, unfilling snacks at a roadside convenience store. She nibbles on overly salty chips and drives one-handed.

("Yo," the clerk had said, as he slid her purchases across the counter. "You heard about Arcadia Bay?"

His jaundiced eyes were wide enough for Chloe to trace the sprawling network of thin red traversing his sclera.

"I watched it go," Chloe answered. "And I'm fucking glad it's gone."

She hadn't really meant it, not in the way she might have before Max came back, but she still got a small, perverse pleasure out of the choked sound the clerk made.)

About an hour down the road, Chloe hears the rhythmic beat of a helicopter's blades. What looks like National Guard vehicles pass moments afterwards. Immediate response? Who is there left to save but ghosts? 

Chloe glances at Max. She's still asleep. Chloe is secretly afraid she won't wake up. She's afraid she did this to Max. 

Again, she wonders why Max chose her.

* * *

Max starts stirring when they cross the state border. The relief Chloe feels when Max utters her name is so intense she lets out a high, shrieking laugh.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty. Welcome to the Evergreen State. Are you okay? You slept for so long, I thought—"

She shakes her head. "It doesn't matter what I thought."

"Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Chloe suddenly and irrationally wants to pull over and check to make sure that Max is okay. She'd never say something like that out of the blue. She must be half-asleep.

"I love you, too."

"And I really have to pee. And I'm hungry."

There's nothing but a drawn out, horrified silence. Max blushes. She giggles nervously, and then they're both laughing. Cars rush by them on the road. The driver of a truck that passes them gives them a goggle-eyed stare. They must look crazy. The morning sun is hurting her eyes, but she's too caught up in emotion to pull down her sun visor.

It's the most she's laughed in what feels like forever (again, God, two days), and she's happy and the tears  _still_ come.

"Pull over, Chloe. Pull over." Max is saying.

As soon as she kills the ignition, Max jerks her seatbelt off and climbs across the seats, moving close until she's pressed into Chloe's side. She cradles Chloe's head to her chest, murmuring nonsensical words of comfort.

After all she's been through, isn't Max the one who should be crying? Isn't she the one who needs to be held, to be rocked back and forth like a child? Chloe hates herself intensely for just a second, and then quickly decides that it's too draining to even uphold the train of thought.

"I'm sorry, Max." Chloe cries. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Hey," Max says, and she tilts Chloe's face up with clammy, insistent hands. "Don't you ever feel like you need to apologize to me."

"I don't even know why I'm crying, man. What the fuckitty fuck." Chloe hisses in annoyance, and presses her face back into Max's shirt.

She gives a coughing laugh, wraps her arms right around Max's waist to pull her close. Max gives a little noise and moves with her, easy like instinct, soft and pliant and so, so small.

"Not exactly how I imagined I'd finally get to motorboat you, Max."

Max laughs. Her voice is tellingly thick as she says, "You can do it whenever you want, I promise."

She pauses. "Chloe, is this because you wish—"

"Don't you fucking start." Chloe cuts her off. She already knows where Max is going with this. She can tell by the tremble in her voice.

"I'm serious, Chloe. Do you," Max's breath hitches, "I mean, I just don't want you to feel like you have to stay with me. Because of what happened."

And that sweeps away everything Chloe's feeling until nothing but anger remains. Wordlessly, she pulls away and exits the truck.

"Chloe," Max calls. "Chloe? What's wrong?"

Chloe paces back and forth. She pulls her beanie cap off her head and throws it to the ground with a quick flick of her fingers.

"How can you not know how much you mean to me, Max?"

She wants to take Max by the shoulders and shake her, but she could never hurt Max, so she settles for punching the truck. The metallic thump that sounds makes Max flinch. For Chloe, it's only half as satisfying as the stinging ache in her knuckles.

"Chloe—"

"I love you, Max. Okay? And I don't mean in the whole 'haha we're just flippin," Chloe waves her hands. She's getting hysterical, but she doesn't really care at this point. "gal pals or some shit. And this whole time I've been so scared that you were dead. And then you go and say something like— _that!_ "

She punches the truck again. And again. Max calls out for her to stop. She moves forward to grab Chloe's wrist as she pulls her fist back once more.

"Chloe, I'm sorry." Max sobs.

Chloe jerks her hand away. She has to turn away from Max's red face. 

"I was so afraid I killed you. I kept wondering why you chose me if that's what it did to you." Chloe grits out.

She starts fucking crying  _again._ She's so tired of crying. Max embraces her from behind, presses her face between Chloe's hunched shoulders. They stand this way until they've both calmed. Eventually, Max releases her.

"Look at me."

Chloe obediently turns to face her. Max gives her a shaky, lopsided smile.

"The only thing I regret is not putting you first five years ago."

And Chloe kisses her, right there, on the side of the road.

**Author's Note:**

> Title adapted from a translation of Kyosuke Himuro's [Calling.](https://youtu.be/7hnEw-pH4KE) Song's in Japanese, in case that's not your thing, but the lyrics in particular are:
> 
> "I wonder how many sleepless nights you have to count, before you find your way  
> After how many lives are lost, will the strife end?  
> Clowns that cannot be saved, just tumbling atop of history  
> Like someone said one day before  
> The answer is in the wind"
> 
> I post from a phone and I'm currently sad and exhausted, plz tell me about mistakes and I'll fix them later..
> 
> I'm technically on break rn but I wanted to share this, but if you wanna discuss things with me, drop me an ask on [Tumblr](http://sim-writes.tumblr.com) and I'll get back to you when I'm feeling better, we can discuss LiS or just life it's cool.


End file.
